Tell Me Pastor: Struggling with homosexuality ..............

The Star News feature "Tell Me Pastor" carried this piece below and though I am not a psychologist the letter seems a little off to me but read and see what you make of it, on my other blogs I have long been suspicious of some of these letters too and their authenticity as sometimes they border on sensational. The young man here says he was sexually abused as a boy and that indeed is sad and shocking but what followed has been a rollercoaster ride it seems the pastor's rebuke however is disturbing to me. Read ...............

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your help. I am a male who has never had a happy moment in my life from I was 11. I was sexually abused by a good friend of my family from St Catherine. At that time, I did not understand that if anyone was caught in the act of homosexuality, he would be beaten to death. This happened in the late 1980s. I got to like it so I used to visit the man's house often. It went on for several years because I didn't know homosexuality was wrong. I was innocent to everything around me. This man has messed up my life because homosexuality still affects my life today.

Over the years, I have been with several other men and have also gone to different counsellors but the problem is still starring me in the face. I became a Christian in 1993 but I am still struggling with this situation. I have prayed and fasted for these homosexual feelings to go away, but it has not helped.

In 2001, I met a man. He treated me well and took me to rural Jamaica. He was loving and caring and we became lovers. He told me he had homosexual fantasies, then I decided to stop having sex with him and to change my lifestyle. I stopped calling him and texting him but he continued to text me with sweet words. I prayed to God for a change and was getting there, but because I am weak towards him, I fell back into the devil's track. Sometimes I wonder where is God in my situation. I never thought I would be so unhappy.

One night in the early 90s, at a big tent at a crusade, the preacher called me to the altar and told me someone has tied me down in a bottle. I want to go back to school and start my own business, but I cannot because of lack of funds.

One day I went to Emancipation Park to clear my mind and my phone rang. It was one of my lovers. He was in the presence of some girls. He was touching me up and had an erection. This man was also having sex with one of the girls. I am wondering where God is in my situation.

One day I went to his house and we got into a fight in his van and I dropped out. I have tried many times to break up with this man and we are still having sexual intercourse without condoms. We have done freaky things. His girlfriend doesn't believe we are doing these things. He is bisexual. I know I have done many bad things to him and I am asking him for his forgiveness. His girlfriend told me disgraceful things that I should do to her.

This man has helped me and is very kind to me. I asked him to give me $10,000 and he wants to know if I will pay him back in sex. I am still attending church but Ifeel condemned. Friends have turned their backs on me, but I want to thank God because He has never left me. I am 34 and cannot break free from this disease for more than 23 years now. I have had deep depression and suicidal thoughts. My own brother told me I am dunce and worthless. Please, help me.

R.B.

Pastor responds:

Dear R.B.,

I regret hearing that an adult male, who was a family friend, introduced homosexual practices to you. Unfortunately, you didn't report him and kept going to his house. As you grew up, you became a practising homosexual. That is why most psychologists say homosexuality is something learned. I do not mean to imply this is true in every case.

You felt your sexual partners treated you well and found it difficult to walk away from them. Even after you decided to change, it wasn't for long. You have written a detailed letter and have mentioned the names of individuals. As you can see, I have deleted many of the things that you have said. They are not publishable. Your motive is not just to seek help, but to expose certain individuals with whom you have had affairs.

You claim in the letter that you are a very jealous man. So while you give the impression that you are seeking help, you are really looking for revenge. You are still very much in love with a particular man whose name you have mentioned many times in your letter. I do believe you are carrying a heavy burden and believe in the nonsense that the preacher told you at the crusade meeting that someone has tied you down in a bottle.

I would like to suggest you make an appointment to see a Christian psychologist and ask him/her to help you. If you continue to believe hope is lost and someone, not you, are responsible for your behavior, you will never experience deliverance.

Yes, you were abused as a child. When you became an adult, you knew better and should not blame others for the wrong things you have done. You are responsible for your actions. Nobody has put you in a bottle. The preacher who told you that is wrong and has contributed to messing up your mind.

Pastor

ENDS

In my continued look at this for the pastor Aaron Dumas who is a psychologist and also hosts a program on Power 106fFM at nights to scold the man where he said "Yes, you were abused as a child. When you became an adult, you knew better and should not blame others for the wrong things you have done. You are responsible for your actions. Nobody has put you in a bottle. The preacher who told you that is wrong and has contributed to messing up your mind." I am baffled at this response if abuse was the origin of his struggle taking into account the power differentials that may have existed (going by the letter) between the youth at the time and this adult perpetrator then how in adult life the writer could simply come to some realization without any professional help mentioned in the piece? In power differentials the victim sometimes does not have the opportunity to say no or tell someone else especially a child (going by the letter) he may run into a backlash as other circumstances may have been present to block seeking that kind of redress. It takes years sometimes never for persons to come forward or get comfortable to even talk about the issues involved or to rehash the abuse. Now that he has come forward this is the response from Pastor Dumas? To simply indirectly dismiss the man and he is to supposed change or come to some realization by his own recognizance is unprofessional to me and smacks as a kind of dismissal of this case yet he had no qualms to suggest a christian psychologist imputing a reparative therapy course.

The need for more forensic psychiatry or psychology is clear here too as we must now begin to understand the perpetrator's profiles as well in a bid to address situations like this, we have seen and heard from the Child Development Agency, CDA express this concern as well. The training of staff as well to help children express where abuse may be present. 

Indeed inappropriate initiation is a problem overall but how to properly address these cases on the part of the victim is called into question here via this case especially when the professional handling such a matter is using a Judaeo Christian base given the Diagnostic Statistical Manuals course in categorizing deviant diagnosable behaviour. I am sorry I was not near this individual (if he is real) as I would have suggested a book by a Jamaican man who was abused as well and who documented his travel to recovery:

"The Cries of Men" tell the candid and true personal accounts of rape and sexual abuse from the voices of young Jamaican men."The Cries of Men" shares the candid and true personal account of rape and sexual abuse from the voices of young Jamaican men. By providing an in-depth look into their secret lives, author O'Brien Dennis demonstrates how one act of sexual violence can have a devastating effect on adult survivors.

"The Cries of Men" takes a virgin journey of homophobia in the realm of Jamaica's social fabric. Dennis reveals the powerful and intriguing stories of Jamaican male sexual abuse survivors, but also divulges unknown facts about Jamaican society- including the concept that homosexuality is an evil act, punishable by imprisonment of up to ten years of hard labor. Yet each week in Jamaica, there are over fifteen reported cases of sexual abuse of young men and boys, many more cases go unreported because men fear for their lives if they disclose the abuse. Dennis also provides a list of resources to assist in recovering from sexual abuse.